Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, "Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.
It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”
TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:
You do not respect their rights as an individual.
You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
You probably haven’t been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
Part of me is really excited to see that the original post got 200 notes because holy crap 200 notes, and part of me is really saddened that something so negative has resonated with so many people.
"I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me "
“’You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?’”
I found these quotes particularly interesting. OP’s mother refused to listen when she tried to talk about her depression, but snooped through her things to see if she was depressed.
It’s amazing to me that parents need to be told something that I GUARANTEE they experienced themselves. This is something that predates text messaging. You search your child’s room for drugs, and they will find a better hiding place for anything they may be worried about you finding - even if it’s as innocuous as candy. You try to snoop on their phone conversations with their boyfriend, and they will 1) Find a different way to communicate with him, and 2) Never communicate with YOU about their boyfriend.
My parents doing this shit to me didn’t make me stop doing it and didn’t make me respect them any more. All it did was make me better at sneaking around.
There are no shortcuts to developing a healthy communicative relationship with your kid. You can’t spy your way past not listening to their concerns. You have to listen, and you have to give them respect, or else you have effectively cut yourself out of their inner life.
if i knew how to so read more on mobile this would be it
oka okay so idk why but i was just thinking about the time i read the combeferre-marius to be free thing and like i was searching for vocab words for homework okay?
so i picked up the brick and flipped through and as i was getting words in marius huge fucking rant and ended up reading it aloud to my brother so i was saying every word right? like i was getting really into the historical comparisons and my voice was rising and i was fucking emotional and powerful and as i finished up “what could be better than that?” i was like “to be f-OHOH SHIT OH SHTI SON OH FUCKING SHIT HE FUCKING SLAUED YOU IN THREE FUCKING WORDS MARIUS GET OUT OF HERE” and my brother was laugjing so hard i mean i was momental with that marius rant and then combeferre fcuking brought me down to that i mean that just shows how fucking great he is also that part was so great i fucking love that scene
ugh i want to get really uncomfortably rich and then just. go around and anonymously donate huge amounts of money to people for things like HEY youre trying to move away from your abusive parents?? BAM 10 thousand mystery dollars oh whats that your dog needs surgery?? BAM paid for hey you cant afford to go to that con with your friends?? BAM better get your cosplay ready you fucking nerd
modern day shakespeare adaptions that should exist
southern gothic macbeth. the bloody, brutal themes of the play in the suffocating atmosphere of the genre. the imagery of lady macbeth’s hands dripping with blood! the witches! macbeth’s madness when he believes the swamp has actually come to…
you can’t tell me montparnasse isn’t the one who kills someone and then proceeds to send fashionable snapchat selfies to everyone in his contact list with no regards to the blood splattered across his face
Bahorel stormed into the back room of the Musain one spring afternoon, expression thunderous and clothes in uncharacteristic disarray. He all but threw himself onto a chair and drained the nearest glass of wine in a single swallow. That the glass had formerly belonged to Bossuet did not seem to…
I have this idea that Courfyrac is really close to his nan.
Courfeyrac loves his nan because she knits the worst sweaters in the world, and that’s Courf’s exact fashion style. He owns jumpers with little lions on them, and one with a huge green “C” on, as well as Christmas themed reindeer ones and Halloween ones with little dotted pumpkins on black wool.
The thing is, she doesn’t stop there. Courf’s nan makes jumpers for homeless children, and gives them to anyone who looks cold living on the streets. That’s coincidentally how Courfeyrac met Feuilly, when they were kids, and ever since, Courf’s nan has been making as many jumpers for Feuilly as she does for Courfeyrac himself.
When Courfeyrac tells her all about Les Amis, she insists on making sweaters for them all. Enjolras gets a red sweater with blacks hems that he wears all the time when he’s ill. Combeferre has one with little books on the front, and he wore it on his and Courf’s first date.
Jehan has a pastel jumper with flowers going up the sleeves; Joly and Bossuet have matching “If found return to Joly”/”I am Joly” jumpers that they love, even if the stitches that make up the words are a little loose fitting. Bahorel has a dark blue one with a rocket on and Grantaire’s is a mixture of every leftover wool that Courf’s nan had, giving it a paint splattered, artistic look.
Now imagine Courfeyrac’s nan knitting a red flag and standing on a barricade with knitting needles and freshly baked cookies.
BOY HOWDY HAVE YOU COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE, FRIEND.
these are what i consider the highlights of the Armando Muñoz/Alex Summers tag on AO3. i haven’t dug my way through the kink meme yet, but this should hold you over for a while, so have at it. Remember to read the fic tags so that you can avoid any triggers you need to, and have fun!
born into trouble as the sparks fly upward — this is a post-vietnam fic where alex is dealing with ptsd and the after effects of that war, and armando may or may not be alive again. please heed all the trigger warnings.
Come Back to Me — armando wakes up in the rubble of the cia compound, and there are feelings. essentially the obvious prelude to the usual reunion fic.
Snail Mail — probably the most well know a/a fic, but still a great one. alex works for erik, who is married to charles. armando is charles’s t.a. meet cute for the boys because charles and erik thrive on arguing with each other.
Molten middle — an armando comes back fic. really sweet, with some nice alex&hank interaction on the side.
tell them i ain’t coming back — the firefly au. really good, and you can definitely interpret armando as being somewhere on the aro and/or ace spectrums with this fic, which was really nice.
natasha vandalizing clint’s quiver WITH pi ctures of clint as a bird
natasha using bucky’s arm like a whiteboard and writing the grocery list on it (“james don’t look at me like that look at how useful this is we can go shopping and don’t have to worry about misplacing a…
Feuilly doesn’t even mean to be hipster but everyone assumes he is. He gets his clothes from charity shops because they’re cheap, not because they’re edgy fashion, and getting an oversized coat for £3 is a bargain, not a fashion choice. He genuinely needs glasses but has had the same pair since he was 17, and yes, the lenses might be big, but he needs them to see and he’s not just poked the lenses out of a pair of 3D cinema glasses.
When he meets Enjolras, they have the exact same fashion taste. Enjolras, obviously, is a Genuine Certified Hipster, sat in Starbucks with his macbook and his extra-coffee-shot-vanilla-latte-with-skimmed-milk, and Feuilly goes into the coffee shop to meet Bahorel. That’s how they meet, and Enjolras lives for three months believing that Feuilly is a total hipster when actually he just convenience-buys everything.
baker!bahorel who teams up with cosette and they make a bakery together and when cosette tells valjean who her work partner is hes worried bc he hasnt met bahorel yet and he does boxing aND HE LIKES FIGHTING AND WHAT?? COSETTE NO
but then he meets bahorel and hes there decorating the cupcakes with such care and hes fucking cooing at them “ur such a fluffy muffin arent u” and valjean is not worried anymore
My dad just said: at your age you’ll probably wanna try a lot of things. Boys, girls, being a girl, being a boy, being punk or goth or spunky. And im okay with that. As long as you don’t come home and tell me youre a republican
Do you ever go to your fridge because you’re hungry, but once you open it you just stare inside and want none of it? You open your pantry but still nothing appeals to you. Maybe someone even comes and suggests something, and even though you don’t know what you want, you still know that everything they said isn’t right. So you just stand around confused and hungry for no reason.
That’s what it’s like to be an asexual with a sex drive.
"Some people on the internet have been saying some pretty ridiculous things about the Supernatural panel I moderated at Nerd HQ at SDCC this past weekend (which by and large was a massive hit and a highlight of my con, personally). As is widely known,…